You know when news comes out on April Fool's Day, you have question it's validity. But some things are too silly to be made up. Take the decision from DC Comics as an example. They are moving forward with a film based on the great character Jonah Hex.
You must recall this character. Jonah Hex was born in 1839, under a bad sign. He was abandoned by his drunk parents, and taken in by Apaches. He was then abandoned by them. So he joins the U.S. Cavalry until the Civil War when he joins the Confederate Army (though he did not support slavery - one of the vital requirements to a prosperous Southern economy). Eventually he becomes a bounty hunter scarred with a "Mark of the Demon". Somehow he gets transported to the year 2050, gets married, has a child, is abandoned by both and then returns to the Old West. He is then shot by a bank robber, stuffed and put on display outside of New York City.
How can anyone forget that comic book character.
Honestly there are elements of the story that might be interesting. But there have been few Western's made in the past 2 decades that were really worth watching. Add in Josh Brolin as Hex, and John Malkovich as a voodoo user that wants to create a zombie army to win for the Confederate South, and the potential starts to go bad fast. (I believe they offered Malkovich a lot of money for this one.)
It is also reported to have Megan Fox in some capacity, Will Arnett as Hex's Union soldier partner in the battle, and Michael Shannon as the ringleader of a gladiator circus. I swear I am not making this up.
If it were just a western, I might buy it. If Brolin was not involved I might be interested. But voodoo armies? A wild west gladiator circus? Really?
DC Comics has long been regarded as the poor red-headed step-child to Marvel. This was because DC was very silly and childish in their storylines as opposed to the generally more complex and compelling stories of Marvel. When it comes to movie conversions of these comics, DC has generally followed that same policy (with the exception of the latest Batman movies - based on the graphic novel and not the comic book). Thus Marvel shines, and has a huge audience following.
I don't think that this film, of a mostly unknown and uncared for comic book character will work. DC might as well make a movie based on Metamorpho or Doom Patrol for all their popularity.
I'll be looking for the trailer, and we will see.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Movie news: April 1st 2009
Ok, in more serious news that you may not have noticed today I saw that Calvin Broadus, best known as Snoop Dogg, has joined the Nation of Islam and changed his name to Snoop Y. I would say I am shocked, but then again, its all Fo Shizzle My Nizzle, as he would say.
Also in the news today is the fact that The Hobbit will soon be in brought to fans across the world. But unlike what most have been lead to expect, Peter Jackson has been contracted to make the JRR Tolkein novel into a musical play. There is no news on who will play the vital role of Bilbo Baggins, but so far Paris Hilton has been confirmed to play Gollum. This may be the first role that I think Hilton is thin enough to make look good.
In yet more news that I just cannot fathom I have heard that Denzel Washington is in talks to take the role of Blondie in Spike Lee's remake of The Good The Bad and the Ugly. The Lee Van Kleef role is already confirmed as going to Benicio Del Toro, with the likely role of Tuco the Rat going to either Eddie Murphy or Martin Laurence. I suppose either of the 2 will have to gain weight or wear a fat suit for the role. Still I find it unsettling that the revisioned film, which I generally dislike, will be filmed in modern day Los Angeles with gangs substituted for the Civil War factions. So far Clint Eastwood has denied any comments.
Still I have to say that the Howard the Duck remake is the biggest news of the day. I am amazed that anyone would take on this idea. Stephen Speilberg may be a genius, but I continue to think this is beyond him. I remain against this remake, even as I have learned that several movie studios are jumping at the script. It has to be the fact that somehow Speilberg got Tom Cruise to say yes to play Howard. I never thought there was enough money in the world for that. But at least Cruise will not need an accent.
Given that today is All Fool's Day, I'm taking all this news with a pound of salt, at least. We can all only hope that tomorrow we will wake up and know that this has all been a big joke. Really a big joke.
Also in the news today is the fact that The Hobbit will soon be in brought to fans across the world. But unlike what most have been lead to expect, Peter Jackson has been contracted to make the JRR Tolkein novel into a musical play. There is no news on who will play the vital role of Bilbo Baggins, but so far Paris Hilton has been confirmed to play Gollum. This may be the first role that I think Hilton is thin enough to make look good.
In yet more news that I just cannot fathom I have heard that Denzel Washington is in talks to take the role of Blondie in Spike Lee's remake of The Good The Bad and the Ugly. The Lee Van Kleef role is already confirmed as going to Benicio Del Toro, with the likely role of Tuco the Rat going to either Eddie Murphy or Martin Laurence. I suppose either of the 2 will have to gain weight or wear a fat suit for the role. Still I find it unsettling that the revisioned film, which I generally dislike, will be filmed in modern day Los Angeles with gangs substituted for the Civil War factions. So far Clint Eastwood has denied any comments.
Still I have to say that the Howard the Duck remake is the biggest news of the day. I am amazed that anyone would take on this idea. Stephen Speilberg may be a genius, but I continue to think this is beyond him. I remain against this remake, even as I have learned that several movie studios are jumping at the script. It has to be the fact that somehow Speilberg got Tom Cruise to say yes to play Howard. I never thought there was enough money in the world for that. But at least Cruise will not need an accent.
Given that today is All Fool's Day, I'm taking all this news with a pound of salt, at least. We can all only hope that tomorrow we will wake up and know that this has all been a big joke. Really a big joke.
Michael Vass becomes a Democrat
Well it's official now. I declare myself a Democrat. After a wee bit of drink and much deliberation I have converted to the political party of popularity.
Yes, I now affirm my belief in the political party responsible for the 13th and 14th Amendments. I too join the party that all African Americans have believed in since 1865. Like the South I too believe in the mantra of the Democrats.
I don't know how I held off following the lead of President Barack Obama. This is the leader that has lived up to every campain promise. I have sat back and had casual time to read each law for 5 days before he has signed them into law. I have luxuriated in the thought that every American soildier is returning from Iraq this year. I have beheld the decisive and exact nature of the economic plans he has put forth for the nation.
I can now join the most liberal of supporters, like Bill Ayers, in the thought that President Obama has created retro-active laws crushing private business. Truly the root of all evil, private business, has been defeated as the Government now can take control of any venture, and dictate the proper salary of every employee. And on the horizon is a health care system that the Government can dictate as efficiently as the Post Office.
Yes, I am part of the Party of Barney Frank and Chris Dodd. Congressional representatives so astute as to know they have approved laws and recommended investments that cannot be questioned by any American. I am part of the Party of Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, who have ensured that not one dime of my future earnings will be under my sloppy and independant control. Because only the Democrat Party truly understands the needs of the poor and those people of color, and other Americans.
Only in the Democrat Party are the needs of subservience understood. Because as a person of color, and an American, they know I cannot fathom the repercussions of deficits beyond the record of history. They know that the true definition of stimulus is social reform and not action. They know that I prefer to be fed fish rather than taught to fish.
Yes, today, April 1st 2009, I realize that listening to every socialized nation in the world warning of the economic perils facing our nation is folly and jealousy. I realize that having leaders that cannot pay their taxes as they expect me to do in droves is fair and equitable. That to expect those that would kill America under misbegotten beliefs to falter because of mere words is acceptable. That every nation in the world will love my country if we just do as they say is a mantra I must recite 24 times a day.
Only in America can I expect to have politicians determine my worth and pay. Only in America I should wish for the Government to determine my health plans. Only in America should I shun the soldiers that provide my freedom. Yes it is this kind of America that I now subnit my fealty to.
Because on April 1st 2009, the world is open to understanding. On this day North Korea will end it's plans to create a nuclear weapon. On this day China and the world will buy American debt like honey flowing down a river. On this day police will assume I am innocent of all crimes I never enacted as never before, and the justice system will punish all before them equally under the law. Yes this is a day to be heralded for years to come.
I no longer have the need to do math, since the Government will provide my income and balance my checkbook for me. I no longer need to care what contracts I create as the Government will decide which are lawful and those that are not. I no longer need to strive for success as the Government will mandate what I can sell and what is best for the world at large to buy.
The joy I now feel as a Democrat of far-left leaning is of immeasurable levels. Because I have a President that ignores the losses to my retirement funds, or my employees. There are untold numbers of rich that can be depleted to ensure my ability to live as the Government sees best. And I have no fear for my children as they will inherit a world of green energy and carbon-less emission once the techonolgy is created, if ever.
In fact those children will be free of the burden of marraige or children pf their own as they can freely abort any child at any age, and any stage of pregnancy. Even better, they will be able to engineer the look and intelligence of that child, if the Government does not do so for them in its infintie wisdom. And lest we wish to worry, every drug known to man will be accessible to beat down any thought of doubt.
Even better is the thought that now as a proponent of the Democrats, I will be able to sit back and watch programming that has been duely controled to be fair and balanced. I will no longer need to question the information provided to me, since the Government will ensure it passes muster. I will be ensured that the race to an ever lower common denominator will be matched by the number of channels providing such copied and flawed material. Material that I might add will be open to any viewer, regardless of age or mentality or content.
Oh, the exstacy that lies before me. Without the need for independant thought I can now toil away my days at a Government approved job, at Government approved wages, with an assurance of a Government approved retirement. Because President Obama, and Speaker Nancy Pelosi know far better what is needed than I. Even Rep. Barney Frank, with his dilegent eyes watching for any politically motivated question of impending peril, will protect my every move.
So on April 1st 2009, I join the Democrat Party. Because what else would anyone do on All Fool's Day?
Yes, I now affirm my belief in the political party responsible for the 13th and 14th Amendments. I too join the party that all African Americans have believed in since 1865. Like the South I too believe in the mantra of the Democrats.
I don't know how I held off following the lead of President Barack Obama. This is the leader that has lived up to every campain promise. I have sat back and had casual time to read each law for 5 days before he has signed them into law. I have luxuriated in the thought that every American soildier is returning from Iraq this year. I have beheld the decisive and exact nature of the economic plans he has put forth for the nation.
I can now join the most liberal of supporters, like Bill Ayers, in the thought that President Obama has created retro-active laws crushing private business. Truly the root of all evil, private business, has been defeated as the Government now can take control of any venture, and dictate the proper salary of every employee. And on the horizon is a health care system that the Government can dictate as efficiently as the Post Office.
Yes, I am part of the Party of Barney Frank and Chris Dodd. Congressional representatives so astute as to know they have approved laws and recommended investments that cannot be questioned by any American. I am part of the Party of Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, who have ensured that not one dime of my future earnings will be under my sloppy and independant control. Because only the Democrat Party truly understands the needs of the poor and those people of color, and other Americans.
Only in the Democrat Party are the needs of subservience understood. Because as a person of color, and an American, they know I cannot fathom the repercussions of deficits beyond the record of history. They know that the true definition of stimulus is social reform and not action. They know that I prefer to be fed fish rather than taught to fish.
Yes, today, April 1st 2009, I realize that listening to every socialized nation in the world warning of the economic perils facing our nation is folly and jealousy. I realize that having leaders that cannot pay their taxes as they expect me to do in droves is fair and equitable. That to expect those that would kill America under misbegotten beliefs to falter because of mere words is acceptable. That every nation in the world will love my country if we just do as they say is a mantra I must recite 24 times a day.
Only in America can I expect to have politicians determine my worth and pay. Only in America I should wish for the Government to determine my health plans. Only in America should I shun the soldiers that provide my freedom. Yes it is this kind of America that I now subnit my fealty to.
Because on April 1st 2009, the world is open to understanding. On this day North Korea will end it's plans to create a nuclear weapon. On this day China and the world will buy American debt like honey flowing down a river. On this day police will assume I am innocent of all crimes I never enacted as never before, and the justice system will punish all before them equally under the law. Yes this is a day to be heralded for years to come.
I no longer have the need to do math, since the Government will provide my income and balance my checkbook for me. I no longer need to care what contracts I create as the Government will decide which are lawful and those that are not. I no longer need to strive for success as the Government will mandate what I can sell and what is best for the world at large to buy.
The joy I now feel as a Democrat of far-left leaning is of immeasurable levels. Because I have a President that ignores the losses to my retirement funds, or my employees. There are untold numbers of rich that can be depleted to ensure my ability to live as the Government sees best. And I have no fear for my children as they will inherit a world of green energy and carbon-less emission once the techonolgy is created, if ever.
In fact those children will be free of the burden of marraige or children pf their own as they can freely abort any child at any age, and any stage of pregnancy. Even better, they will be able to engineer the look and intelligence of that child, if the Government does not do so for them in its infintie wisdom. And lest we wish to worry, every drug known to man will be accessible to beat down any thought of doubt.
Even better is the thought that now as a proponent of the Democrats, I will be able to sit back and watch programming that has been duely controled to be fair and balanced. I will no longer need to question the information provided to me, since the Government will ensure it passes muster. I will be ensured that the race to an ever lower common denominator will be matched by the number of channels providing such copied and flawed material. Material that I might add will be open to any viewer, regardless of age or mentality or content.
Oh, the exstacy that lies before me. Without the need for independant thought I can now toil away my days at a Government approved job, at Government approved wages, with an assurance of a Government approved retirement. Because President Obama, and Speaker Nancy Pelosi know far better what is needed than I. Even Rep. Barney Frank, with his dilegent eyes watching for any politically motivated question of impending peril, will protect my every move.
So on April 1st 2009, I join the Democrat Party. Because what else would anyone do on All Fool's Day?
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