Having watched Stargate Universe, and learning of the upcoming V revisioned television series, I natually started to think about the worst that Hollywood and the entertainment industry has provided viewers. The list I could imagine is hardly small. And I wasn't the only one to come up with such a list.
It seems that the people at Rotten tomatoes had a similar thought. But I think the end of the decade had more to do with it than the latest slew of forgettable television fare. Still there is nothing like a list, especially of the worst as it confirms what you already knew.
I won't go thru the list of the worst films of the decade. There are 100 and the list contains several of the films you would expect. I will give you the top ten worst films, and several I think should have rated higher on the list of the worst excuses to steal your money.
10. Witless Protection
9. Redline
8. 3 Strikes
7. Strange Wilderness
6. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
5. National Lampoon's Gold Diggers
4. King's Ransom
3. Pinocchio
2. One Missed Call
1. Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever
If you saw any of these films I really feel for you. I sadly saw King's Ransom and Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever. The pain still haunts me in nightmares from time to time.
But the following I think were misrated on the list.
The New Guy - rated 94 was light on logic. laughs, or anything else, but it was cute in a 10 year old way. I wouldn't have put it on the list, but I wouldn't want to pay money to see it either.
Larry the cable guy: Health Inspector - rated 85. Any film with this character should be in the top 20 worst films ever, unless of course you happen to not have teeth, love moonshine, and got all your education when you finished 3rd grade.
Doogal - rated 83 should be much higher. In fact if there was a list of films for kids that should be illegal to show kids, this would be in the top ten. Truly, if you don't like to abuse children then don't show them this film.
Gigli - rated 73. It only made it to 73? The rest of the list has to be really bad.
The Fog - rated 66 is the first remake on the list. Considering how bad the first film was, why did they remake it anyway? Another in a long list of films proving why revisioned films suck.
BloodRayne - ranked 48. A decent game, a miserable movie. Bad writing, horrible acting, terrible action scenes. There is nothing in the film worth watching, except the leading ladies if you are pre-pubescent.
Zoom - rated 41 is really not that bad. I'm not saying it was a good movie, it wasn't. But for bored kids that don't have another choice on television or DVD this will work. it definitely isn't worse than the films I've already commented on.
Codename: The Cleaner - rated 37 it is the Black equivalent of Larry the cable guy. Cedric may be many things, but he is NOT entertaining as a lead actor in any movie. Someone stop giving him movie lead roles.
The Whole Ten yards - rated 36. It actually deserves this rating. Nothing from the original film carries over to this film, made just to get your money. Bruce Willis slipped big on this one.
Rollerball - rated 28. Remake and revisioned. That is almost all I need to say. Perhaps it might have worked if the director and/or writers ever saw the original movie.
But I know what you are thinking. There are movies missing from the list. Notably:
Soul Plane - perhaps the worst film ever. At least the worst I have seen. It as so bad I had to fast forward through sections to stay awake.
Little Man - the Wayans family are generally talented. Shawn and Marlon are so bad in this film as to make you wonder if they were adopted.
Ghost Rider - the special effects were too good to put it on the worst list, but the acting and script really tried.
No doubt there are other bad films. I'm sure that the list of 100 had others I would have hated. Thankfully I did not see more on the list. And I can't remember more horrible films at the moment (likely blocked from memory).
So do you agree? What do you think was the worst film since 2000?
Showing posts with label Marlon Wayans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marlon Wayans. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
White Chicks 2 - a reality you never wanted
It’s amazing to see Hollywood in action sometimes. Not because of the glamour or the impressive style that is normally splashed about. I’m talking about the business mentality (or arguably lack thereof).
Only Hollywood execs could look at a film that was clearly not a fan favorite and decide that it is deserving of a sequel. Based solely on the profit margin that they see the film capable of making. It is the same reason that reality television is so popular, and why conversion films (books or cartoons or comic books to movies are the latest trend) dominate the screens.
Quality is no longer a motivating force. Originality is far from the minds of those that decide what gets made. Rather the though of having a film with lots of fast action, a few explosions, and a couple of cute chicks is preferred over a plot, acting ability, or visual imagery.
Thus news of the sequel to the boring, poorly done, Wayans production – White Chicks – has hit the air waves. Yes we will get another chance to see Marlon and Shawn Wayans in White-face and gender bending. I know that everyone is just drooling to pre-order their tickets.
Was the film White Chicks funny? Not really. The acting good? Sorry to say it but Marlon has improved to now be considered a B-actor, Shawn has yet to get that far. So no, the acting wasn’t stand-out. Was it original or different? Again, no. So is there any reason for this film to have a sequel? Yes, just one. The film doubled its cost. So it is a success and that is plenty of reason for a Hollywood exec.
I like the Wayans family. I think they are one of the most talented families in Hollywood. They have several siblings that have grown in ability and have been able to make some decent films, with a couple that were really good. I love the fact that they involve every member of the family in their movies, from directing to writing to cameras to acting. They cover it all with family and friends.
But that is not reason enough to promote the sub-standard fare that has been hitting theaters for years now. Obviously Damon and Keenan have made their names. Many others in the family are secure in their efforts as well. The big push has been for the younger Wayans to get their chances at the brass ring. Which is why Marlon and Shawn have gotten so many chances. Too bad there is so little to push.
Seriously, think about it. The Wayans family has found and promoted several great artists. They found Jim Carrey, Jaime Foxx, Jennifer Lopez, and a few others. But they all had talent. They had something to build on. Marlon and Shawn, Shawn especially, just don’t deserve the big push. They just aren’t that good. They are supporting characters at best, which is no small achievement and will keep them well paid all their lives.
The fact that White Chicks is getting a second shot gives me a chill. Because films like Little Man might also get that option as well. And audiences need that kind of torture about as much as we need to be forced to see Soul Plane.
But the law of returns and no thought movie making is what Hollywood loves these days. I almost would be surprised if a transforming robot were in the film, along with lots of CGI scenes. It wouldn’t make sense to be in the film, but it would get attention and raise ticket sales. And that really is all that matters these days.
It’s a waste of time. It is a sad departure for the Wayans family, and the continuation of a trend for Hollywood. At least the Wayans have the excuse that they are supporting family and helping one another. Hollywood is just trying to scrape a couple of pennies together to get a third.
Only Hollywood execs could look at a film that was clearly not a fan favorite and decide that it is deserving of a sequel. Based solely on the profit margin that they see the film capable of making. It is the same reason that reality television is so popular, and why conversion films (books or cartoons or comic books to movies are the latest trend) dominate the screens.
Quality is no longer a motivating force. Originality is far from the minds of those that decide what gets made. Rather the though of having a film with lots of fast action, a few explosions, and a couple of cute chicks is preferred over a plot, acting ability, or visual imagery.
Thus news of the sequel to the boring, poorly done, Wayans production – White Chicks – has hit the air waves. Yes we will get another chance to see Marlon and Shawn Wayans in White-face and gender bending. I know that everyone is just drooling to pre-order their tickets.
Was the film White Chicks funny? Not really. The acting good? Sorry to say it but Marlon has improved to now be considered a B-actor, Shawn has yet to get that far. So no, the acting wasn’t stand-out. Was it original or different? Again, no. So is there any reason for this film to have a sequel? Yes, just one. The film doubled its cost. So it is a success and that is plenty of reason for a Hollywood exec.
I like the Wayans family. I think they are one of the most talented families in Hollywood. They have several siblings that have grown in ability and have been able to make some decent films, with a couple that were really good. I love the fact that they involve every member of the family in their movies, from directing to writing to cameras to acting. They cover it all with family and friends.
But that is not reason enough to promote the sub-standard fare that has been hitting theaters for years now. Obviously Damon and Keenan have made their names. Many others in the family are secure in their efforts as well. The big push has been for the younger Wayans to get their chances at the brass ring. Which is why Marlon and Shawn have gotten so many chances. Too bad there is so little to push.
Seriously, think about it. The Wayans family has found and promoted several great artists. They found Jim Carrey, Jaime Foxx, Jennifer Lopez, and a few others. But they all had talent. They had something to build on. Marlon and Shawn, Shawn especially, just don’t deserve the big push. They just aren’t that good. They are supporting characters at best, which is no small achievement and will keep them well paid all their lives.
The fact that White Chicks is getting a second shot gives me a chill. Because films like Little Man might also get that option as well. And audiences need that kind of torture about as much as we need to be forced to see Soul Plane.
But the law of returns and no thought movie making is what Hollywood loves these days. I almost would be surprised if a transforming robot were in the film, along with lots of CGI scenes. It wouldn’t make sense to be in the film, but it would get attention and raise ticket sales. And that really is all that matters these days.
It’s a waste of time. It is a sad departure for the Wayans family, and the continuation of a trend for Hollywood. At least the Wayans have the excuse that they are supporting family and helping one another. Hollywood is just trying to scrape a couple of pennies together to get a third.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Movie Review: GI Joe
The summer movies of 2009 have been a series of letdowns. Which is not to be confused with the amount of money that the films have generated. When all you have is the equivalent of sand instead of the water of entertainment, well many go and spend their money anyway. Add in the cost of going to a movie and the numbers look astounding.
GI Joe was a film that some hoped would defeat that trend. And having seen the film I can honestly say that such hopes are completely dashed. GI Joe is almost exactly what it seems. A waste of time and less entertaining than the Saturday Morning cartoon.
Let's start with the basics. The visual looks of the film are decent. Not great, not wonderful, just ok. Part of that is due to the constant use of massive amounts of CGI throughout the film. It just takes a bunch of the realisim the film was hoping to attain in live action, and throws it off a roof. Seperate of the CGI, well it's just not visually compelling.
The acting is another thing. If the visuals are just average, the acting takes the film to a new low. In thinking about the whole cast, I cannot name a single actor that sttod above the others. With the exception of Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and the 2 child actors portraying Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow (Leo Howard and Brandon Soo Hoo, respectively).
Snake Eyes stands out for one main reason. He never spoke in the whole film. All he had to do was move around. We didn't even get to see his face, not even his eyes, once in the film. Which made this the standout role in the film. Literally this was the best acting and character simply because that role had the least problems.
The worst acting would likely be Marlon Wayans, or Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander. Followed closely by every other character in the film. There isn't a single character you could care about, nor that you might believe. Not one had any spark that would make you root for or against them.
But if you were wondering about the plot - perhaps it provides a reason to still see the film - don't worry. It too is as bad as every other element in the film. Obviously the writers were lost between making a kid's film and something for adults.
Start with the fact that the film rewrote the entire team. GI Joe is supposed to be an all American military force. But to make the film sell overseas they have been changed to a secret NATO force. So already the film revisions its source material.
Considering the intelligence of all the military forces involved, I would be surprised if the Boy Scouts wouldn't be a better choice for defending the nation. Not a single writer was probably involved in the military, nor the director or producers or the Hollywood execs.
***Spoiler Alert***
Destro (Christopher Eccleston) is a multi-national arms dealer that sells 70% of all the arms and defenses used in the world. Which is just dumb to start with. But he sells NATO, and the GI Joe team, all their equipment. So why is any of their gear equal to the COBRA troops? Or how about having a failsafe that prevents their weapons from working against his guys? Or why not just hack into their systems to find out what they know and when? Besides the fact that he should know where their secret bases are since he could track each and every item they have?
Then there are the accelerator suits. Really useless. Which is why they are unused throughout 90% of the film. Other than the big scene in the trailer. Because if they used the suits they should mop up the COBRA guys in minutes. Not that COBRA had any equivalent outfits, which they should since DESTRO sold them.
I won't even get into the nanobot issue.
***SPOILER END***
So back to the plot. GI Joe is so secret that the whole outfit is exposed some 7 minutes into the film. They are so good that all of 4 people handle 90% of all the work.
The one thing the team seems really good at is creating massive destruction as they go about their jobs. What they do in France is a contruction workers paradise. The cost in money and lives is enough to make you wonder why any nation would want these guys protecting anything. So much for never failing at anything.
Oh, and the "love story" or whatever is going on with Ripcord (Wayans) and Scarlett (Rachel Nichols) fits better for kids in elementary school than anything else.
How dumb is the plot? Well unless you believe fire burns underwater, and that ice doesn't float in water, the plot is incredibly stupid. Even a 5 year old will see the plot holes and illogic.
I'd go into more detail but I don't want to spoil it more. If such a thing is possible.
I wouldn't take young kids to this film. As I mentioned earlier there is lots of collateral damage. You don't see the hordes that get killed, but it is obvious that they die. A lot.
Perhaps the one great thing is the fact that the battles between Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) and Snake Eyes is interesting. Short but decent.
So would I advise anyone to see this film? No. There is a reason why the film was not shown to critics (except a couple of guaranteed extra positive reviews). I honestly can't understand why this film was marketed to anyone over the age of 5. And that might be an insult to 5 year olds.
Don't see this film. Watch the cartoon version instead and at least enjoy you money.
GI Joe was a film that some hoped would defeat that trend. And having seen the film I can honestly say that such hopes are completely dashed. GI Joe is almost exactly what it seems. A waste of time and less entertaining than the Saturday Morning cartoon.
Let's start with the basics. The visual looks of the film are decent. Not great, not wonderful, just ok. Part of that is due to the constant use of massive amounts of CGI throughout the film. It just takes a bunch of the realisim the film was hoping to attain in live action, and throws it off a roof. Seperate of the CGI, well it's just not visually compelling.
The acting is another thing. If the visuals are just average, the acting takes the film to a new low. In thinking about the whole cast, I cannot name a single actor that sttod above the others. With the exception of Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and the 2 child actors portraying Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow (Leo Howard and Brandon Soo Hoo, respectively).
Snake Eyes stands out for one main reason. He never spoke in the whole film. All he had to do was move around. We didn't even get to see his face, not even his eyes, once in the film. Which made this the standout role in the film. Literally this was the best acting and character simply because that role had the least problems.
The worst acting would likely be Marlon Wayans, or Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander. Followed closely by every other character in the film. There isn't a single character you could care about, nor that you might believe. Not one had any spark that would make you root for or against them.
But if you were wondering about the plot - perhaps it provides a reason to still see the film - don't worry. It too is as bad as every other element in the film. Obviously the writers were lost between making a kid's film and something for adults.
Start with the fact that the film rewrote the entire team. GI Joe is supposed to be an all American military force. But to make the film sell overseas they have been changed to a secret NATO force. So already the film revisions its source material.
Considering the intelligence of all the military forces involved, I would be surprised if the Boy Scouts wouldn't be a better choice for defending the nation. Not a single writer was probably involved in the military, nor the director or producers or the Hollywood execs.
***Spoiler Alert***
Destro (Christopher Eccleston) is a multi-national arms dealer that sells 70% of all the arms and defenses used in the world. Which is just dumb to start with. But he sells NATO, and the GI Joe team, all their equipment. So why is any of their gear equal to the COBRA troops? Or how about having a failsafe that prevents their weapons from working against his guys? Or why not just hack into their systems to find out what they know and when? Besides the fact that he should know where their secret bases are since he could track each and every item they have?
Then there are the accelerator suits. Really useless. Which is why they are unused throughout 90% of the film. Other than the big scene in the trailer. Because if they used the suits they should mop up the COBRA guys in minutes. Not that COBRA had any equivalent outfits, which they should since DESTRO sold them.
I won't even get into the nanobot issue.
***SPOILER END***
So back to the plot. GI Joe is so secret that the whole outfit is exposed some 7 minutes into the film. They are so good that all of 4 people handle 90% of all the work.
The one thing the team seems really good at is creating massive destruction as they go about their jobs. What they do in France is a contruction workers paradise. The cost in money and lives is enough to make you wonder why any nation would want these guys protecting anything. So much for never failing at anything.
Oh, and the "love story" or whatever is going on with Ripcord (Wayans) and Scarlett (Rachel Nichols) fits better for kids in elementary school than anything else.
How dumb is the plot? Well unless you believe fire burns underwater, and that ice doesn't float in water, the plot is incredibly stupid. Even a 5 year old will see the plot holes and illogic.
I'd go into more detail but I don't want to spoil it more. If such a thing is possible.
I wouldn't take young kids to this film. As I mentioned earlier there is lots of collateral damage. You don't see the hordes that get killed, but it is obvious that they die. A lot.
Perhaps the one great thing is the fact that the battles between Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) and Snake Eyes is interesting. Short but decent.
So would I advise anyone to see this film? No. There is a reason why the film was not shown to critics (except a couple of guaranteed extra positive reviews). I honestly can't understand why this film was marketed to anyone over the age of 5. And that might be an insult to 5 year olds.
Don't see this film. Watch the cartoon version instead and at least enjoy you money.
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