Taylor Lautner to become a plaything

Ok, I really must be getting older. It's the only answer to why I do know what Strech Armstong is, and don't have a clue who Taylor Lautner is. But for anyone else that is out there and unsure of either, never fear Hollywood is hard at work bringing the 2 together.

Lautner will be starring in a new movie titled and based on the toy Stretch Armstrong. The toy is very old, around 30 years or so, and is simply a doll (think He-Man style) with rubbery arms that can be stretched to extreme lengths. You might think that Hollywood is stretching the proposed plot of the upcoming film, but that would assume a plot exists.

Lautner for his part is a "teen heartthrob", which would explain why I have no idea who he is. His claim to fame is being part of the excessively hyped Twillight films. Somehow I expect this film, due out in 2012, to bring many of his fans back to reality.

Why is this film going to be made? Because of all the money Hasbro (which owns the toy) has made off of it's other toys, Transformers and GI Joe. Note that I did not say because of the entertainment Harbro gave to movie audiences (they didn't). This is merely another grab at whatever money is left in your pocket after taxes, if you still have a job these days.

I suppose that Hasbro thinks this is a great time for a movie based on this toy. The "hero" is kind of like Plastic Man, who is sort of a comic book superhero. And comic book conversion films are all the rage in Hollywood. Adding the hype of the kid from Twillight is sure to drive female fans to the film, and hopefully spark new sales of a toyline (sure to be remodeled after Lautner's image) that I doubt anyone under 35 recalls.

Seriously, things are getting desperate in Hollywood. They are making movies based on anything they can find these days. A video game, a comic book, an old television show, now toys. What's next? Board games? Wait, actually A deal was made to turn Monopoly and Chutes & Ladders (Candy Land too if I recall correctly) into movies.

The only thing left is to make a movie based on candy bars, and remakes of revisioned films. And once they start making movies about a Snickers bar you know that it's the end of the civilization.